Blog

It's been a while since i blogged because I have been busy and also, have moved my blog to http://committing2life.wordpress.com Please check the site out :) . I will post the same blogs here from time to time.

Life is amazing and let's stay committed to it because with every night that we go through, the dawn still breaks.

Talk Is Cheap

One of my friends had me stop dead in my tracks a few days ago. Basically she commented on how strong I am and how I seem to have no faults. I couldn’t stop the stinging in my eyes and surely, the tears welled up and I started sobbing. Again. And I say “again” because somehow this period of weakness crawled through my strong character and unmovable, undefeatable disposition and found my fragile point, then, rested upon it for days. So there I was picking at my faults and questioning my existence, brushing my successes aside and dissecting my failures. Yes I see the good but what about the bad? It’s quite true, we are our own worst enemies and harshest critics. And ofcourse, how we view ourselves will always affect how we force other people to see us. Yes they may have their personal views but we will pluck out their eyes, delete their opinion and insert our own insecurities in their minds and yes force them, to see us through our own eyes. Crazy! But we do it.

So within my wallowing in self pity I asked myself then where this person was that people see and how come she only appears to me in those special moments when the moon is shining just right and is aligned perfectly with my star? The wisdom we preach; the opinions and teachings we share; the seeds we fortify and refreshing water we sprinkle on whithering sprouts: How come we cannot remedy ourselves and be our own teachers? I questioned myself. Why do I say but never do? Hope but never step out in that faith? The simple answer would be that I may be honest with the world but I am never honest with myself. We can never build others until we reinforce ourselves with the same concrete and steel rods that we so happily supply.

Talk is cheap. It builds a weak life not worthy of any breath. The challenge here then is that we know what’s right, we know what’s best for us and everyone around us; We know which path to take but we think speaking about it will suffice. The challenge then is to take action. To stop talking and just do, to stop dreaming and just be.

As seedlings that sprout and start to grow rootlets that anchor themselves in the ground, lets make sure that we are anchoring in the right place and that as we share our sun with our neighbour/s we musn’t forget to pursue our own photoynthesis.

Talk is cheap. It’s time to do. Make your breaths worth taking.

Stay committed

One for the brothers: You are phenomenal!

It is so hard to write about something you are not and something you have been confused about for ages. Whenever I mention women empowerment I get questioned about men. Truth is 1) I do not understand men because I am not one 2) The men I essentially grew up with were my brothers and my grandfather. They have always been and still are quite protective and caring towards me, but that has not stopped me from venturing out into the world and meeting what some would call the beasts of the male gender and had my views on men completely turned around. Indeed, I am one of those women that have been on this “I hate men” tangent for years. Did it make me a better woman? Not really. Last week I spoke about phenomenal women and mentioned that this is not a battle and men have their role and so do we, but somehow, amidst the revolutions and battle for control, it has become  imbalanced and a game of “who is better than whom”. Some say that women have lost respect in themselves and that is the reason for the societal breakdown of men, but question is, what about the respect that men are supposed to have for themselves? Are you playing your role?

My first point will be Respect. As our opposite sex, the one that The Bible claims was supposed to work “in union” with us to take care of the world; is it not a fair and essential requirement to have respect? See a phenomenal man is one that respects a woman and respects himself. Respecting himself and her enough to treat her with respect and also act in a respectable manner. A majority of men have lost that. I don’t know who is to blame but maybe blaming the male species would render some change. Its introspection time gentlemen. Are you being a phenomenal man, a good representation of your gender?

The second point I would say is Loyalty; whether it is in a relationship or beyond that and loyalty to one’s family. Sure, the statistics are shocking and families are hardly stable. In SA, only 35% of kids are raised by their biological parents. The reasons for this are vast and some beyond my scope but my question is: does a failed relationship mean you cannot be loyal to and take of your seed? Introspection brothers! Without a mother nurturing a family it falls apart and without a father as a guide and pillar of strength it falls apart too. This union between the two genders was created for reason, if we only put our issues and ego’s aside and play our roles, being our best versions a remedy can be formed.

My last point which encompasses it all is Love and hard work. Self-love means that you care about yourself enough to be your best version and do your best to be a great contributor to the world’s wellbeing, hard work means that you will set out goals and dreams for yourself and persevere towards them relentlessly, with discipline and passion. Knowing that as a man, you have a great role to play and you have to earn your place on your throne. But, you cannot claim your crown when your actions do not exude that of someone who regards themselves as royalty. Introspection time, gentlemen. Women cannot rise to the pinnacles of it all and hold the whole world making sure that everyone is happy, this union is there so both genders can support each other.  So before you blame a woman for acting “cheap”, how about you show her that she is worthy of a bit more than  what she is selling herself for? We are responsible for ourselves but we also have a duty as human beings to aid and support.

I have been one of those angry and resentful women and vowed to never respect and not acknowledge any man that enters what is My Life. It has taken fights, arguments, talks, patience and tear-stained pillows out of my frustration, fears and defiance but I am definitely learning that there are remarkable men out there. Those that see beyond what the world calls a “pretty face”. It is not easy, but can we respect and honour the good men in our spheres and also encourage the rest to step up and Become honourable men. It takes a phenomenal woman to recognise a phenomenal man and to support him into taking his throne beside her or his throne in his life. Let us empower our brothers, fathers, friends, lovers, bosses, acquaintances, and then maybe, they will recognise the good in them and act on it.

It has been a battle for me to get statistics on the number of single fathers in SA, but in America alone there are 1.7 million of single fathers; 15% of the single parents there are males. These are the males that I am highlighting today. It is not all bad, and it can be better.

It is not a battle or a war, it is a journey of rediscovery and healing, of two genders that have to rise above the past mishaps and love and respect each other: each being their best version. I believe this is possible.

Let's have a great week! :)

 THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:  To be a man, you have to encompass the characters of a phenomenal man. Rise up and earn your crown.

QUOTE: “You are above and beyond your thoughts and ego. You are the witness, the interpreter” _ Chopra Foundation

(Follow Deepak Choprah’s page on twitter on @SagesScientists or check out their website on http://www.choprafoundation.org for insightful thoughts on life)

References for statistics:

1)      The Newsroom: http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts-for-features-special-editions/cb12-ff11.html

 

2)      http://divorceattorneys.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/more-children-are-being-raised-by-single-parents-than-married-parents

To the rosebuds and warrior queens: Woman, you are phenomenal.

What does it take to be regarded as a “phenomenal woman”? Is it the size of the “child-bearing” hips; or the ability to create mouth-watering cuisines in the kitchen; is it the ability to cure the hardest of hearts; is it standing firmly even when you want to topple over and cry? There is no manual or check-list on phenomenal qualities or a guaranteed method to be a phenomenal woman. It is a daily and constant ritual of introspection, crying, healing and most importantly, loving.

This week marks the last week of National Woman’s month in South Africa and I thought this would serve as a great opportunity to salute the phenomenal woman within us. It’s true, we are all phenomenal females but it is bounded and tied down with so many things like pain, fear, jealousy, insecurities, ignorance, materialism, immorality and so much more toxic waste that we have totally lost touch of our value as women. How long will we stay shackled down instead of releasing ourselves and celebrating at least a portion of who we are? We cannot nurture, protect, love and hold what is without when we fail to do so with what is within. Begin first, by loving and truly cherishing yourself then you will go out into the world and spread that powerful spirit and warmth.

If we look at Christianity, it is said that God created woman out of the rib of man so he could have a loyal companion. This story can be dissected in so many ways but the one’s that stick out to me the most are that 1) Yes, we are partly made from our opposite sex but the remaining 80% is something unique to us. Let us stop trying to be like men, to be equal to men and turning everything into a battle of the sexes. We have our role and so do they: victory will never be gained because it is a war not even worth starting. 2) Woman was created to aid man in bringing goodness into and taking care of the Earth. We may masculate ourselves as much as we want but our role will always be to aid, nurture and take care of the basics and loopholes that a man cannot fulfil and maintain.

I know the power of a woman because I was raised by one. I know how a woman can bear 9 months of uncomfortable pregnancy, hours of agonising pain from labour and raise a baby into a humble, educated and amazing human being. I say this because everything that I am and know would not be here if it had not been for the phenomenal woman that birthed me. We face struggles but we have to press on. I believe our role as women is huge. We are not here just to be sisters, friends, lovers, daughters, mothers... We are here to serve a much greater purpose. We are here to birth nations and raise phenomenal contributors to society. We are here to guide, correct, aid and love. But we will not begin acting like the empresses that we are meant to be until we realise it and start empowering ourselves.

To stand firm we need to help each other to stand firm, encourage and see good in your fellow sisters so there can be more strong hands carrying human kind.

Little girl you are beautiful and precious.

Young lady you are special and deserve to be respected.

Young woman you do not need a man to sustain you for you are abundantly blessed with your own qualities and potential.

Woman you have made it and may you continue to build our young people into amazing individuals.

Set your standards, know who you are, identify your goals, find your purpose then commit to this and live to the best of your ability. Without love this can never be achieved and it all begins within.

Be proud of who you are and who you are yet to become, celebrate your strengths and let your trials build you, do not sacrifice your standards and values but always remember to remain humble and compassionate in your endeavours. Become a woman who knows who she is and her purpose, a woman who is driven not only by her own desires but also those of others. To the rose buds, warm sun rays, flourishing gardens and stable earth of the world: We are all phenomenal!

Let’s have a great week J

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Woman: you are strong, phenomenal, blessed and able.

QUOTE: “We are not so frail after all, but rather, our frailty lies in our forgetfulness of just how incredible we are” – Candice Mncwabe (Quote taken from my speech ‘frailty, thy name is woman’ – 2008)

Mid-week Thoughts.

I want to write about fear soon but fear governs my life so much I am not sure where to begin. I am brave only for a second then plunged into doubt again. Why is it so hard to teach the heart to love again, to teach the soul to breathe again and to tell these bruised knees that the legs can walk again? Without fear of going through the dismays of the past. This one, I will research properly and bring forth a true piece on "Being Brave enough to walk again". We are all re-building and renewing. Stay Committed. :)

It is not only the giant who is strong ..

“Dear Brave Souls,

The Strange Strengths of the Mind-Body, the Spirit-Heart and Soul. It is not only the giant who is strong... Tis a wonder, so seriously to see the miniature world wherein each tiny being matters as much as the world writ big, and more easily seen”

This is an excerpt posted by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes on her facebook page. An amazing author and lover of people. It struck me really hard because how often do we doubt our strength and completely dismiss our potential? It’s true; we are our own worst enemies. Who needs enemies when you have a negative voice in your head? Pounding you into the ground and disarming you of your strength. “It is not only the giant who is strong...” says this mother of brave souls, the inspiration behind her ode to the strength of mind, body and soul was evoked when she observed a tiny ant carrying a large leaf. How often have we all seen this image yet totally missed the lesson that nature was discreetly giving us? That an animal so small could walk a distance a thousand times its size, carrying an enormous object, all day and every day. Relentlessly going about its duties, never faltering. This is not a hippie, poetic outlook on life but it is simply fact.

The great men and women that we admire and praise for achieving unbelievable feats are just that, ordinary men and women. They do not possess some cyber gene or extra-terrestrial spiritual power that gave them the strength and wisdom to achieve all that they have. Now, I am not saying that in each and everyone one of us lies a professor, a president or a great inventor. We all have our own gifts and unlimited potential to maximise on them and do the unthinkable.

Strength has got nothing to do with the stature, status or even magnitude of an individual. It lies in the will to succeed, the urge to achieve and the spirit to keep going against all odds. But, it begins with something so simple: believing in yourself. There is no way that someone will take you seriously when you doubt yourself, so let us start then by looking in the mirror and acknowledging the amazing individual staring back at us. Acknowledge her beauty, recognise her existence, find her strength and invest wholeheartedly into celebrating what she has to offer.

I have doubted myself and my mind many times, diminished my hopes because I thought they were in vain. Told myself that failure means that I am destined for the mundane because well, the stars are just too high for you honey. But, there is always that “joie de vivre”, that urge to survive that I mentioned last week that keeps one going if they only listen to it. The homeless person who still gets the urge and strength to wake up every morning and look for food and more “homely” shelter, where does he get his desire to live from? Are you not better off then? Equipped with better tools and the comfort of a home and food? You have better weapons to fight and yet you stand and admit defeat instead of fighting for your life. We cannot wait until we have lost everything to start appreciating our lives, we cannot wait till we lie in hospital with 6 months to live till we tap into that drive and will to take one more breath and one more step. No-one will do it for you. We may encourage each other but we cannot walk our paths for each other.

In each of us lies a warrior. Inside you lies insurmountable strength: find it today.

“For those who have ears to hear: La Vos, The Voice, ever bends near, whispers to us, reminding: Devotion to the work – carrying the leaf, the hefty stack, and Daily” – Dr. Clarissa PinkolaEstes

Indeed, it all begins with committing to the small blocks that make up your life: your morning jog, your make-up routine, your prayers, your job... And, just holding on and making a concerted effort, daily, to become a stronger and more hopeful person.

I trust this has helped shed a few burdensome doubts and fears.

Let’s have a great week J

QUOTE: “Grain by grain, a loaf. Stone upon stone, a palace” – George Shaw

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Each small successive step step that you take will one day resemble one giant leap.

Finding the power to love ourselves enough to speak and share

We don’t speak. Why is that?

We sweep everything under the rug, we mask our feelings and we conceal who we really are. Why is that? What sparked this thought in my mind was a poem I heard this past weekend. How we are a world that chooses not to express or acknowledge but to go along living ACTING as if we are oblivious to everything.

After pondering over this I decided to look at myself, because to understand human nature we can only begin by analysing that which we know most accurately which is: Self. I am an introvert, and have always been one. However, I am more of an introvert now than when I was say, 5 years ago. What changed this? Simply put betrayal and let-downs cause us to plunge into a safety net which is “distance”. We distance ourselves. I know that that is exactly why I have become more of an “inward” person. There is something terrible that happens when people betray you but more vicious when people who you brought into the most inner caves of your heart and life turn around and slice through your soul leaving painful gashes that refuse to heal. Immediately then, one builds up walls and we step into a state of survival. That is how simple nature is; from Darwin’s Theory of “natural selection” we see that it is an integral seed buried in all of us. We simply want to survive and will adopt whatever mechanisms seem most effective for this.

And yet, what makes it tougher is that people will try and dig you out of your safety because they feel like they are losing you or they do not know you enough. Truth is we do not talk because our words fall on ears that are plastered with ignorance and selfish motives most of the time. I know I’m not the only one that has heard the saying: “Do not tell people your problems. 80% are curious and 20% are glad you have them”. I might be a few words off but the idea is essentially the same. I am not a cynic and I totally love life and people but we simply cannot ignore reality. One could say then, that I am a realist with high hopes. How then do we move from a state of fear into a state of being comfortable enough to be who we are with no inhibitions?

The first problem of being a selfish and judgemental people is that we do not even love and appreciate ourselves. We are unhappy with who we are and so fearful of what we could or could not become that we let this filter into how we treat others. And so, we wait to spot a weakness in the next person so we may maximise on it and ignore our own insecurities. If we can accept ourselves, faults and all, we can accept the next person and celebrate their strengths without feeling in danger of being outshone. The second problem that we simply must overcome is that living a life that is fenced with thick brick walls and electric fencing will not only shut out the world but it will shut out our potential as well. Pain and disappointment are inevitable factors of life and whether you hide behind a boulder or live freely or carelessly, you will go through it. So then, we need to embrace failure and learn from pain, emerging though, as wiser and stronger creatures that can overcome even greater obstacles. Emerging as a person who knows himself/herself better. I too, am on this journey of regeneration and growth, so let’s all try a bit harder.

If we can first love, accept and know who we are; Loving, accepting and knowing the next person can be that easier.

Let’s have a great week! J

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Find and love yourself, flaws and all.

QUOTE: “The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it” – Thucydides (Greek Historian & Author)